Blogmas Day 6: Am I Good Enough?


One thing that you should know about me is that ever since I was eight years old and I filled an old school jotter up with a story about a maid who married her grumpy boss (Soz I was very stereotypical back then and apparently ripping off Jane Eyre) I’ve wanted to be a writer. 

Writing is what I do best. Always has been. I’ve always been a really creative person but I’m not an artist, a singer, or a dancer, I’m a writer. I’m good with words, really good with words, but I’m so crap at articulating myself out loud. I get nervous, tongue tied and end up stuttering off into an awkward silence with a beetroot red face. I am so much better on paper than I am in real life. True fact.

So you’d think that blogging would be easy as for me right? HAHA NOPE.

Now I never ever thought it was going to be easy but I was not prepared for the waves of self-criticism that blogging would bring out in me. I second guess every word I write, I scrutinise photos for every single little flaw and I generally just feel sick as a dog when I hit publish on a post because ohgodwhatifitsjustapileofpoo etc.

The question of 'Am I good enough?' looms over me like a dark cloud at all times and it's bloody terrifying and soul destroying to say the least.

Now the reason I'm including this post of crippling self doubt in Blogmas is because for the first time since I started any of my many blogs, I'm not second guessing everything I write. I'm actually loving everything I'm writing for Blogmas. I look forward to writing my posts, taking the photos, scheduling the tweets and all the admin that it entails.
Blogmas has been the real kick in the pants I've needed blogging wise and it's great! It's even got me more involved with other bloggers as I'm chatting and tweeting about Blogmas. It's been bloody brilliant. It's reminded me what I loved about blogging in the first place and made me think that I might not be too bad at it!

Here's where the self doubt and criticism creeps back in! I missed a post yesterday. I was supposed to have it written up and posted by midday but things got away from me and it didn't happen. I felt awful when I realised I wouldn't be posting because damn I wanted this Blogmas to be a success. I wanted to follow through on it, to prove to myself that I can do this.

I know it's silly to get myself into a tizz over missing one post and I know it's not the end of the world. It just brings up that question again 'Am I good enough?' and right now the answer I'm screaming back is 'No, I'm bloody not!'. 

Not even one week in yet and I'm already having a crisis! I'll be a wreck by Christmas Eve! You'll find me on Christmas Day, rocking back and forth clutching onto my laptop for dear life!

Of course, I jest. On Christmas Day you'll find me tucking into a heroic amount of cocktail sausages and watching The Holiday ;)

Anyways to keep myself motivated and ahead of schedule, I'm going to prewrite posts a few days ahead of myself. That really helped when I was in London over the weekend, all I had to do was schedule the tweets the night before. I'm making it sound like it's a chore and it's really not. I'm so enjoying this, I just don't want my tendency to let things get on top of me to ruin it all! 

Sorry for this rambly explosion of feelings and doubt. Sometimes you just need to vent! It puts things in perspective much better than holding it all in your head. 

I hope you've been enjoying my Blogmas content as much as I've loved writing it! I know I'm not alone on the self doubt train and I'm not special in feeling like this. I hope one day my insecurities won't rule me as much as they do now. 

See you tomorrow for a much more upbeat post, I promise!

Sarah-Louise
xxx

3 comments :

  1. I know that question all too much. Just cannot shake it off it's constantly there in the back of my mind with everything I do. Hope blogmas has you jumping for joy on christmas day and not rocking in a chair in the corner :) HAYLEY // A Teal Soul

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    1. It's such a horrible spectre isn't it? Niggling self doubt is the worst!
      And haha I hope so too xx

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  2. I was legit saying the other day to my other half that I'm so much better with my words when they're written down and awful when it comes to using them outloud!
    Don't be so hard on yourself chick, you're doing brilliantly! x

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